Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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