I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
