Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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