her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize