boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
