Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I cut my penus on the lid.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
