careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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