Your tits are I can't wait for
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
