YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
