I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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