It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
