Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
