Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
