im having a threesome with these popsicles
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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