Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
