I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
