ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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