I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
