gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Randomize
