Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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