Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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