Just fell off a train. Bad.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
