T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
