do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
