He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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