not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
dude i'm inner monologue high
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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