We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
