I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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