i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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