I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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