At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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