i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
