Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
