But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
