her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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