I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
