just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm like, not good at living.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
