i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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