so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
