Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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