my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
