I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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