my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
