Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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