life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
