On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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