im six kinds of drunk right now
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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