I can text with my tongue
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
