Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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