Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
