East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
