thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
