he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
