i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The ass gains better be worth it
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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