Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
