Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
