She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
