So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
