Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
