Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
