i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
