if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
