Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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