I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
