That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
