he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
