i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My pussy is not your playground.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
