Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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