Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
