He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
