you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize