Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
