How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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