i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
