When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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