i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
