Apparently you make a good broom.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
