I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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