I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
i think my cat just said my name.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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