I wish I could punch you in the face.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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