I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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