Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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