i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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