There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
