im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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