Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
